You screw what to expect from Crank 2 in its very first second , when the words “ Fuck You Chev Chelios ” flash on screen in 8 - bit videogame script . Because Chev is your hero . Spoilers ahead .
Crank : High Voltage is the subsequence to Jason Statham ’s phrenetic sex - and - fury vehicle Crank . The premise of the first flick is that the hyperactive , superstrong street scum Chelios ( Statham ) gets injected with an evil Chinese crew drug . If he ever lets his epinephrin fall below psychotic levels , he ’ll go bad . Though he falls out of a helicopter at the close of Crank , he manages to live on into this sequel in grand videogame style . Some Taiwanese bunch gallant peel him off the pavement , give him open heart surgery in a massage parlour ( oversee to get only a little cigarette ash tree into his chest cavity ) , slip his mega - heart , and suit him out with a full artificial inwardness power by a laptop assault and battery .
Of naturally , Chelios is alive during his loose - heart surgery . He seems pretty content to just cool on the table until the doctors lease it slip that the next organ they ’re go to harvest is his monstrously huge cock . That ’s when he gets up , kills everybody in heap , and sets out on his new quest : To get his awesome heart back . His first bit of intel arrive from the lonely remain gangster after the slaughterfest . The guy is begging for his sprightliness on his hands and knee , but he wo n’t evidence who has the heart . So Chelios dunks the tip of his semi - robotic hired gun in oil , and jams it deep in the guy ’s ass .
This movie is some fucked up bullshit , yo . And it ’s glorious . This is the videogame - amped , YouTube - poison , porn - soak , crew - controlled future that suburban America fear most . And so it ’s nothing unforesightful of cathartic to see every pop nightmare unscroll before our centre in a lurid sendup like the good lousy antic that Larry Flynt ever dreamed up . Crank 2 is thrilling because the filmmakers have shell away their self - censorship mechanism and let flow the unexpurgated contents of their blackest ( and sappy ) hearts .
Chelios ’ Los Angeles is pretty much the same semi - imaginary city where Grand Theft Auto takes space , a world of gangbangers and whores who exist totally to be drink down , and hopefully in a mode that is unforgettably bloody . Just when you think the action ca n’t get any more fucked up , Chelios will follow the gangsters who ’ve got his heart into a strip club . Where a guy is being tortured by ingest his elbows chopped off . And strippers who ’ve been shoot in the chest run through the club screaming as atomic number 14 gook streams down their stomachs and their breasts deflate .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrCGpUKhadU
To keep his heart battery from running down , Chelios has to keep shock himself . His underground heart operating surgeon , doing medical research while boning yet another hooker , break in on the cadre phone every once in a while to dispense heart - maintenance advice to our beleaguered hoagy . Try bring up it by clamp jumper cables to your pap . Try tazering your dick . Try creating a cluster of rubbing by scratch another person ! That last order ends well , with Chelios have sex his girlfriend ( the hilarious Amy Smart ) on the raceway while a bunch of buck run over their heads , flashing their horsey cock .
Meanwhile , we take several costless roundabout way into sex - violence slapstick , as Chelios has to cross a sentinel contrast of strike porn stars ( yes there ’s a cameo from Ron Jeremy ) , and meets up with a gay buddy who has “ full body Tourettes ” ( WTF ? ) but later saves Chelios ’ ass with his jumbo gang of dike queers . No surprise that this movie exhibits Grand Theft Auto ’s idea of multiculturalism , too : Everybody ( including the ashen dude ) is a antiblack stereotype ; everybody is a sexist stereotype ; and everybody is equal in their sleazy , murderous abandon . It ’s Jackass Darwinism – endurance of the biggest blooming asshole .
finally it turns out that a Chinese gang loss leader – played with parodic racist aplomb by David Carradine – has installed Chelios ’ heart in his own chest of drawers . So it ’s a backwash to get the pumper out of Carradine ’s chest and back into Chelios . thing get even more science fictional as our type guide into a showdown on Catalina Island that plays like a hellish interbreeding between the movies of Ron Jeremy and Eli Roth . And by that I think of : OMGWTFBBQ .
I ’ve been accused before of being immoral for enjoying movies like Crank 2 – for admiring their savage satinpod , their brutal parodic punch . There is something undeniably disturbing about a story that is so plainly destine to put down every character in it . And yet that is its appeal . Nobody prove to excuse the sexual urge and violence here in the service of nontextual matter or politics or some kind of warning about the foul future our dreadful videogame habits will lead to . But at the same metre , Crank 2 does recognize its own self - destructive aesthesia . That ’s why the movie ’s refrain – repeated in many languages , by many people – is “ Fuck you Chelios ! ”
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